Well it should have been the next scene.
Rewind to a time when I wished that the Russians would invade so I could run to the mountains and become a “Wolverine”. Looking back, my little jellybutt would have folded after a couple days and I would have been scarfing down food with transmitters in it, but the “Wolverine” spirit was there. If you grew up in the 80’s and are reading this blog, you know what I mean. If you are a younger generation and just saw the garbage of a re-make, do yourself a favor and watch the original. WOLVERINES!!!
Anyway, if you are living on the down low with a bunch of hungry high school kids nagging you for some fresh meat, take Jed’s advice, or better yet, use something quiet like a crossbow, a suppressed rifle, or subsonic .22’s. Here is what wise, old Jed says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwwOF3ztiZU
I like to think that Jed’s next advice was “We gotta get the hell out of here quick. Like in 5 minutes and 55 seconds..” Butchering large game in the field or hauling it out takes time, and time will get you killed if the Spetsnaz is looking for you.
I rolled back to middle Tennessee this past weekend for the last days of deer season. With quitting a job, starting a new one, and starting a business, my deer hunting plans got pushed back further and further. Not a problem, because I hail from a land where meat grows wild, allowing you 3 does per day and my hunting buddy from high school has access to some prime land. Have gun, will travel.
Six deer later, my buddy and I were discussing our butchering plans. A reader of my blog, I asked if he wanted to see the poacher cut, so I could show pulling the tenderloins as promised in an earlier post. I was curious exactly how quick I could do it under the pressure of the clock. Smooth is fast, and I could have been smoother that day, but a shade under six minutes might have value in the right context for the preppers out there that are reading this blog. Unlike hog hair, deer hair tends to fall out readily, so be forewarned that when you get back to camp, you may have to ask the kids to pick off some hairs. Just don’t ask Jennifer Grey or she will bite your head off!!
Let’s get started
1. Assume the position
2. Access the backstraps
3. Cut out said backstraps. One little tip is to make a thumbhole in it to help hold on to them
4. Cut off the shoulders
5. Cut off your hams
6. And here is the tenderloin stuff promised in the gutless hog post. Make a cut just below the spine, between the rib cage and pelvis. Stick your hand in and you can grab the tenderloin and pull it out. It lies in between the spine and the gut sac. You may need a few cuts on the ends for a cleaner pull.
Give Matty and Robert the hams and shoulders, while you take the backstraps and tenderloins. If Ivan pinpoints your location and you have to split up, at least you will have the best meat to munch on 🙂
And please remember the context, before you email me about wasting meat and hides. I agree with you, this does leave the ribs, neck, guts, some grind meat, and the hide for the scavengers, who all need a meal as well. I have eaten organs, brain tanned hides, and don’t usually use this technique on deer. This is just a “most bang for your buck” technique and parts of it may be useful for that fresh road kill deer you pull up on.
Ruger GSR in the land of plenty:
Poachers cut on a hog: https://bigpigblog.com/2013/12/23/poachers-cut-1-0/
Tennessee Deer Seasons: http://www.tn.gov/twra/deerseasons.html
Tennessee Roadkill Law: http://www.eregulations.com/tennessee/hunting/general-hunting-regulations/
Greatest movie ever: http://www.amazon.com/Red-Dawn-Patrick-Swayze/dp/0792838041